Posted on November 11, 2012
From the Official Old Biddy to her Children as We Enter the Holiday Season
Just a note from my mother to me and my siblings about how motherhood never ends and her wishes for all of us as we enter into the holiday season.
Hi! I am definitely entering “biddy-hood”. I’m at that age where as a mother I worry about so much more than I did when you were little, and my biggest worry was that someone would be mean to you or hurt your feelings, or that you would fall off your bike and get all scraped up. Then I progressed to worrying about whether you all would grow up to be decent young adults, and not get into drugs and sex and rock and roll all at once, too early!! Later I was worried that you would all go berserk when you went off to college, and hoped you would have sense not to go wild and crazy and have something awful happen as a result.
I worried when any of you stayed out late at night, or when you were driving long distances thru ice and snow and over the mountain passes; I worried when any of you had a boyfriend or girlfriend, and I worried when any of you didn’t have one! I worried when any of you lost weight, or gained weight, or had the flu, or allergies or asthma. I stayed awake and worried when you all came in late at night, after your curfews, and I worried when everything was going so well that I was sure you were hiding something from us!
I worried when I knew some of you were smoking or drinking or experimenting with drugs …and even if none of you were, I was positive that someone must be! I was worried that friends would lead all of you astray …but I wanted you to all have friends. I worried as you all stepped out into the world, assuring me by your attitudes that you knew much more than I did, and that nothing could go wrong! Now that you have children, I think you can see that worrying begins very early for a parent ……and only escalates.
Now that I am entering “biddy-hood”, I worry most of all that you will get all caught up in your own families, and will forget to send a birthday card to your siblings and their spouses or one of their children. Or that you will not realize that each of your families will have traumas and worries, and it feels so much better to know your siblings are in the same situations most likely. I worry that you all live so far apart from one another, and will fail to keep in touch and remember that only these people you grew up with will be here on the planet and remember who you really are, where you really come from, who loved you, and most of all that you will need not feel “separated” because of distance. There’s no excuse for that now ….we have phones and email and ipods and Skype and who knows what else. And never in history have families been more”remote” than they are today. Please remember who you are ….make sure your children get to share in that history! You don’t have to physically visit each other to “catch up” and “stay in touch”. All you need to do is make a little effort to remember you are part of an extended family ….it takes so little time to pick up a phone and call each other. To send an email. To recognize that you are different ages and at different stages in your lives …and that none get thru life without experiencing it all. At least that’s THIS biddy’s take on what happens to us all.
I ask you to take a few minutes and really read this red part once in a while …and to get in touch with each other. To not feel irritated and fed up with each other over life’s little twists and turns but to love each other just as you are ….and to give each other a little more understanding and rope! At this stage in Dad’s and my life, we would prefer to see you do that ….and for you to be “mad” at us instead, because we were not perfect parents, and stumbled about doing what we thought was best at the time. Because we are now reaching an age where we don’t understand some of the things you find funny or amusing …or some of the decisions you all make, or we some times wish that you were plants or pets instead of real people because we are tired of worrying about you even tho you are now 100% grown up ….. and because we are biddies. Our wish for all of you is that you have happy lives, and have each other …friends will walk out that door, but your family, whether you like it or not, is yours forever. And you should be glad for that.